"We absolutely respect privacy and don’t want to spy on you," said VP of Human Capital Gary Lumburg.

“We analyzed the market data extensively,” said Lead Developer Bob Plastic. “We realized the only beings who listen

"Efficiency is our main goal," said Google spokesman Todd Smiley. "Why write a thoughtful response? A cartoon yellow

“We finally cracked the code on expensive last-mile logistics,” said VP of Innovation Miles Prower. “We solved the

“We simply must harness the raw destructive power of the atom,” said a project lead. “It is the

“We want creators to write for humans, not robots,” explained VP of Search Gary Goggles. “Specifically, the kind